Hostage Situation
by Werbena
Summary: It's nice to finally have someone to talk to when waiting for men's return. Rated M to be on the safe side, but mainly just innuendos.


**A/N: Characters mentioned below are definitely not mine. Story written for pure joy of writing. Not making money from it.**

'I begin to see some perks of our new living arrangements.' Darcy sunk into leather sofa in common room at the top of Stark Tower 'And I strongly sympathize with your situation.'

'Darcy wanted to say that she is sorry for intruding on your privacy.' Jane explained quickly, giving her assistant a reprimanding look 'Two days after returning from you honey moon and you get saddled with the bunch of us. How was Fiji?'

'Like a fairy tale. And don't feel bad about moving in here.' Pepper was sincerely cheerful 'There is more than enough room and it's nice to have someone to talk to, especially when the only thing I can focus on is waiting for Tony's safe return.'

'Tell me about it. Though after the first time it was slightly… easier. I mean, I will never be relaxed and having great fun when they are on a mission but at least I know what to expect.' Jane took a large pillow from the corner of the sofa and put it behind her head.

'Cleaning and dressing wounds, drawing baths and finding suitable clean clothes?'

'That too, Mrs. Stark, but in my case it's less of what you've said and more of "undressing and accompanying to the shower". Not to mention "honey, I'm home" element, especially if I'm wearing a green nightgown.'

'Darcy!'

'Come on Jane, we are all adults here. It's no shame to talk about good things among friends. Or maybe you would like to share some issues with us. I'm sure Pepper will be also willing to help you with sorting out problems of interplanetary love life.'

Virginia smiled even wider when Doctor Foster huffed and looked towards the ceiling.

'I don't know where you find patience for dealing with all of us. Intruders at your home and every single one of them with his own set of quirks. Not to mention my work, which required your husband to give up some labs two floors below us.'

'I never thought about Stark Tower as my home.' Pepper shrugged 'In current situation I agree with Fury that we should all live in safe environment. Even though during his speech I practically felt that he was pointing at me as a potential hostage problem.'

'How come? After the last press conference everyone capable of an Internet connection is perfectly aware of your honorable new title. Kidnapping Mrs. Iron Man would be the stupidest way to commit a suicide.'

'I don't want to make you feel underestimated, but in my Political Science graduate's humble opinion, the worst option for a wannabe kidnapper is Natasha. Black Widow would have aggressor defeated, cuffed and humiliated in a blink of an eye. And speaking of which, Clint is undoubtedly lethally effective, but in this case, he even wouldn't have time to draw an arrow before Agent Romanov is free. When I come to think of it… sad, really. So anti – romantic.'

'I doubt if Barton and Natasha care for anything romantic. It seems unlikely in their case.'

'People are full of surprises.' Darcy's imagination was having a particularly vivid moment 'Their perfect Valentine's evening is probably Widow allowing some idiot to kidnap her and remaining in this distress until Clint comes to the rescue.'

'Your mind is a scary, strange place.'

'Funny, my boyfriend says the same thing about yours.'

'Ladies, ladies, let's focus on present company. Natasha deserves her own subcategory of femme fatale and we can leave it for another time. Besides, I would prefer not to be kicked out from her good books for gossiping. I will make sure to ask JARVIS for extra security measures before discussing our two flat mates' relationship.'

'That's the spirit of proud and efficient businesswoman.' Darcy looked like a five – year – old who just had a glimpse into Santa's sack.

'Rather profoundly experienced babysitter to a former PR catastrophe. Nonetheless, thanks for the compliment.'

'So… What were you saying about present company?'

'That the being who would attempt taking us away from here should be a) mental b) not likely living long enough to become a pensioner and c) looking for a refuge outside The Nine Realms. No, I take the last one back. I'm pretty sure that there is no place to hide from Loki's wrath.' Charming Miss Lewis was the first to give her opinion.

'I feel a bit degraded. Like Cinderella's ugly step sister. In comparison with your personal deity Tony seems strangely weak. I have to remember about this little gem for one of his more infuriating ego trips.'

'Jane, stop looking at me like that. It's intimidating both because you are my boss and future Her Royal Highness Queen of Asgard. Not my fault you hooked up with fairy haired thunder god. Meow – Meow is pretty cool, especially in air travel department.'

'And because of the Earth – Asgard alliance, we can be almost sure that rescue team for kidnapped brave fiancée, loyal wife or dangerous female spy is going to consist of five dashing gentlemen and a shy scientist. Or five dashing gentlemen and a Hulk. Poor kidnapper.'

'Yeah, I feel sorry for him already.'

'Me too.' admitted Jane 'As far as I know, outside Avengers there is hardly no one resistant to electrocuting provided by Thor's hammer. Makes you feel… safer.'

'So then, no kidnappers for us?' Darcy looked ninety – nine percent relieved and one percent disappointed.

'No sane ones, at least.' promised Jane 'Of course there is still your boyfriend. He can decide to… you know, change his modus operandi.'

'Jane! You almost sounded…'

'Creepy?'

'No. Well, that too, but rather interesting. I wonder where did you get that. Care to tell us some spicy details from your own experience?'

'Come on, Jane, spit it out.'

'I am very sorry to interrupt, Mrs. Stark but I was to inform you when Mr. Stark is within three minutes flight from the Tower.'

'Thank you, JARVIS. What about the rest?'

'They will arrive shortly after Mr. Stark.'

'Please prepare…'

'Already taken care of.'

'Thank you. And JARVIS? Delete all audio and video footage of this conversation.'

'I am sorry Mrs. Stark, but it is impossible. Mr. Stark expressly forbade me from doing that.'

'What?!'

'He wanted to go through all interesting dialogues from the time of his absence. List of keywords for selecting aforementioned is for his eyes only.'

'Talk about spying creeps.'

'Though I can add that he was strongly supported by few others inhabitants of residential floors of Stark Tower.'

'Stalking pervs!' Jane's face was a good example of soon – to – be – screaming – her – lungs – out fury from the depths of hell.

'I guess it means no Midgardian welcoming customs for tonight. Accept for this one.' Darcy took her mobile phone and went after Pepper. Iron Man landed smoothly and was having his suit taken off by a set of robotic arms. Little did he know that his charming wife was on a crusade mode.

After making sure that Tony was lucky enough to avoid any major injuries, Virginia expressed her attitude towards his latest idea. In long, scary words.

Darcy managed to get all the interesting parts before rest of the Avengers appeared on the terrace.

'Duties first, fun later.' even if Jane stood closer, Darcy was pretty much certain she wouldn't hear it. Doctor Foster was way too busy with deciding if she should tend to tiny cut on Thor's left hand or give him a taste of the same medicine Tony was receiving.

'Loki, beware.'

'I missed you too, my beloved.'

'I'm not intimidated by your mocking tone. You have some explaining to do. And if I'm not satisfied I can always ask for some audiovisual evidence.'

'Cursed Stark and his gullible trust in artificial intelligence. Can I just say that from the very beginning I expressed anxiety that this little scheme of his will sooner or later backfire? Epically?'


End file.
